From Hidden Battles: Episode #16-Vengeance Is Mine Says The Lord”

“Hey everybody, I’m Anne-Marie Michaelis, a Christian author and coach. Welcome to the Hidden Battles Podcast, a weekly podcast about the hidden battles of spiritual warfare and the struggles that go on in our minds and hearts, and the truth to overcoming these hidden battles. My life was radically transformed during a supernatural encounter with Jesus.

God allowed my eyes to be spiritually opened long enough to see the truth of these hidden battles and to scare the rebellion against him right out of me. In each episode, I share a true story about a real life experience, a teaching, and a final takeaway. This podcast will reveal the hidden battles that lurk in our minds and hearts, and the way out.

Hidden Battles, revealing what the enemy does not want you to know. Please take a moment to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and subscribe to my channel on YouTube, at GodDesign LLC. Podcasts are available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.

For a free download of my memoir, visit my website at goddesign.org.”

Today, in this episode, I’ll lay the groundwork for “Vengeance is Mine, Says the Lord” by sharing a difficult story about when I was sexually assaulted at the age of eleven.  Then share the story demonstrating the level of anger that was left to fester by the age of sixteen because of my unforgiveness toward those that had assaulted me.

This story from my memoir is called “Sexual Assault”

When I was eleven years old, I would help my girlfriend, that lived one street over, with her paper route. She had her bike with the papers to deliver on the back, and I would walk with her helping to deliver them. We lived in a suburban neighborhood that wasn’t overwhelmingly busy or riddled with crime. Or so I thought. As we approached the middle of her route, we encountered some guys that were about sixteen to eighteen years old and possibly slightly older.

I was walking on the sidewalk, on the opposite side of the street, then my girlfriend. She stayed on the other side with her bike. Numerous guys surrounded her and her bike, so she could not go anywhere. One larger guy came towards me on the sidewalk that I was walking down and swooped me over his shoulder like a potato sack. I could not run, kick, or get myself out of the hold. He ran me up a porch and into a house.

I was thrown onto the floor in the middle of the family room. I saw one guy on a couch watching out the window. There were two other guys now above me. One was holding my arms down from behind, and the other was in front of me by my legs.

I heard other guys coming in through the door. They proceeded to sexually assault me as I screamed for help, kicking and flailing.

We got a neighbor’s attention between my screaming and my girlfriend being free to get help. A man who lived directly next door to the house came running over and busted into the front door. He got the guys off me.

I remember looking up and him asking me if I was ok. I was in pain and felt shame and embarrassment. I rushed to my feet, grabbed my clothes off the floor, and turned to put myself back together. I then ran out the door and jumped off the porch.

I remember running faster than I had ever run before in my life. Initially, I felt a sense of relief that I was free and had escaped.

But as I was running down the sidewalk, I heard at least one of the guys running behind me. He was yelling at me that I had better not tell anyone. Instantly, panic and fear went through my entire body again, and I ran harder than before. I don’t remember the exact route I ran to get home. I was running and jumping fences with only one thought in my mind: to find my way home quickly and safely without them catching me again.

Somehow I outran them by cutting through yards and jumping fences, not knowing where I would end up. I ran into the house, locked the door, and yelled out for my Mom. I told her what had happened, and she immediately called the police and my Dad.

The police arrived at the house quickly to take my statement. Some were dispatched to the street where the assault happened to find the guys involved. The officers took my statement, and then we were told they had picked up some (I am not sure which or how many at that point) of the guys involved. They were also trying to intercept my Dad, who didn’t come straight home but was looking for the guys himself. The police, fortunately, intercepted my Dad. They sent him home with the reassurance that they would be picking up the remaining guys that assaulted me. They told him they would be bringing them to the police department. That same day I was taken to the hospital and examined to ensure I was okay physically.

A day or two later, the police requested that I come to the station to give my statement again. Although my statement was the same each time I was asked, and I appeared to understand what happened, as well as what would happen if I were to testify in front of my attackers, the officer told me that they believed I was too young to testify before all my attackers in a courtroom.

It was very upsetting for me when I first heard that I wouldn’t be allowed to have justice served for what they did to me. Especially as the officers, having questioned other individuals up and down that street, found out that they had attacked other girls over the years that lived on that same street. Those attacks were never previously reported to the authorities.

I was told weeks later that the guys who attacked me were on probation and could not come near me. To me, that was absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. Walking to and from the stores and other places required me to walk past them numerous times.

This was the beginning of what I call the “new normal,” which some people have called paranoia. When things like this happen, and you’ve seen bits and pieces of what people are capable of, you cannot unsee or unlearn these things. You can no longer take things you used to take for granted and trust in society, as you know the reality. Naivety is instantly gone and replaced with this “new normal.” Demented people are everywhere. One street from where I grew up, at least six demented individuals who all lived on the same street got away with sexually assaulting neighborhood girls. I’ve often wondered what those other girls “new normal” looked like.

The scars the assault left ran deep, and what I learned about people couldn’t be undone. I remember fantasizing about sneaking out of my bedroom, hunting each of them down, and killing them. Justice was never served. They never had punishment for what they did. It was not fair. It wasn’t just me that they attacked; who knows how many more they attacked.

The hatred had festered inside me and grew into immense anger and hostility. Somehow, I knew I needed to forgive, not for their benefit but for my well-being and sanity. I was not saved yet, but my inner being knew how toxic this hatred, unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment was for me. I could feel it, and it was growing.

Now, I’m going to fast forward from the age of eleven to the age of sixteen. 

The story from my memoir is called “Run Him Down”

One summer day, I was driving to the church’s baseball field to pick up my younger brother. He was playing a pickup game with other local guys of various ages around town. I pulled up to the field and saw a guy walking off the diamond through the parking lot. I instantly recognized the guy as one of the main guys who sexually assaulted me when I was eleven. My instinct took over, and I floored it straight toward the guy. He saw me coming straight at him and jumped out of the way. I barely clipped him, and before I could turn around and try again, he had jumped a fence and taken off running.

When my brother got into the car, he was upset and asked what was going on and why I tried to run the guy over. My family never spoke about what happened to me when I was eleven. He had no idea who the guy was or why I’d react like that. So I explained to him what had happened and who the guy was that I tried to run over. He told me he felt awful about playing a pickup baseball game with him.

It took me years, well into my twenties, to forgive all the guys who sexually assaulted me.  I didn’t do this alone, and I’m unsure how it got resolved inside me.  But it did and I was no longer vengeful.  But this caused many open doors to be open during all those years and even though I had forgiven and let it go, the doors had been open through all my ungodly thoughts and feelings towards them.  I had now strongholds that took root, and I did not know that. But this was one of many “forgiveness” exercises that would take place. It was the first big one, and my years of unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment had left me wide open to Satan’s attacks on my mind and heart.

Now God’s Word Say This …

~Matthew 18:6 (NIV) If anyone causes one of these little ones – those who believe in me – to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.

How comforting to know that God is a God of justice! 

~Romans 12:17-19 (AMP) Never repay anyone evil for evil. Take thought for what is right and gracious and proper in the sight of everyone. If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave the way open for God’s wrath [and His judicial righteousness]; for it is written [in Scripture], “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

The vengeance that God can serve up is much greater than any vengeance I could have done.  Knowing that vengeance is for the Lord to repay is of great comfort. I don’t have a vengeful heart towards anyone and don’t want the Lord to deliver vengeance upon them.  I have experienced the enemy firsthand and am sure that these individuals were consumed by the darkness.  How awful to be consumed by the darkness to get to that point.  To be a shell of a human craving ungodliness and sinful things this much.  Only Jesus can resolve this, and vengeance only brings us down to that same sinful level ourselves.  We must rise above this and let God serve justice in His time and way.  Otherwise, we’re opening ourselves up to the darkness as well.

~Deuteronomy 32:35 (AMP) ’Vengeance is Mine, and retribution, In due time their foot will slip; For the day of their disaster is at hand, And their doom hurries to meet them.’

~Hebrews 10:30 (AMP) For we know Him who said, “Vengeance is Mine [retribution and the deliverance of justice rest with Me], I will repay [the wrongdoer].” And again, “The Lord will judge His people.”

~Ephesians 4:31-32 (AMP) Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]. Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.

If we want forgiveness from our sins, we have to extend forgiveness to others. Or we’ll be judged by the same measure that we do others. This is a hard word.  Sometimes, it feels like we are having to fight bitterness and resentment over and over again from the same person, causing us pain or suffering.  God’s Word tells us we are to forgive 70×7 times basically over and over and over again. 

~1 Peter 2:21-23 (AMP) Christ Is Our Example- For [as a believer] you have been called for this purpose, since Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you may follow in His footsteps. He committed no sin, nor was deceit ever found in His mouth. While being reviled and insulted, He did not revile or insult in return; while suffering, He made no threats [of vengeance], but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges fairly.

~Matthew 6:15 (AMP) But if you do not forgive others [nurturing your hurt and anger with the result that it interferes with your relationship with God], then your Father will not forgive your trespasses.

Now for reflections.

I have one set of questions for us to reflect on. 

Who do you need to forgive?  Who do you have any bitterness or resentment towards? Who do you have vengefulness in your heart towards?

It’s time you forgive and let God handle it—it’s time for you to receive freedom from the shackles of unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, and vengefulness.  You may have to pray for help to do it.  You may have to forgive 70 x 7 times.  You may say they don’t deserve it.  But forgiveness is for you, not them.  This doesn’t mean you have to tell that person you forgive them. This doesn’t mean you must re-enter a relationship with this person unless you choose to, and it’s not toxic. Tell the Lord you have forgiven them.  Tell the Lord to take all bitterness, resentment, and vengefulness out of you.  You might pray a prayer that sounds something like this …

Heavenly Father, Thank you for being full of grace, mercy, and love for me.  Let your plan for my life take hold of me.  Help me de-root this spirit of unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, and/or vengefulness as I repent and renounce my unforgiveness that has lingered in my mind and heart for “such and such.”  Today, I openly and sincerely forgive “such and such.”   In Jesus’ name, I pray.  Amen.

For those of you ready to surrender to Christ, let’s pray a prayer of salvation and begin your commitment to walk with Jesus and accept Him into your mind, heart, and every facet of your life!

Pray this prayer with me with all your mind and heart.

Heavenly Father, I come to you as a sinner in need of Your grace. I repent of my sins and confess openly with my lips that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. I believe in my heart that He died and rose from the grave for my sins. Lord Jesus, I invite you into my life and ask for the Holy Spirit to dwell in my heart; to be my teacher, counselor, comforter, and helper in all areas of my life. May Your will be done in my life. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer of salvation, it is a very good first step in beginning your walk with Jesus. Relationships take effort and communication. Keep the communication channel open with Jesus so you can start building your relationship and hear what He has in store for you.

Hey, friends, that wraps up today’s Hidden Battles Podcast. A transcript along with additional devotionals for this week’s podcast, as well as my memoir, are available for free download on my website at goddesign.org, or check out some of my other books that you may find helpful. If you liked this episode, please share with others.

Hidden Battles, revealing what the enemy does not want you to know. Never stop praying, never give up, and I’ll see you next week.”